DIPUTS MI'S DIARY
- Bob Pickle
- Oct 17, 2022
- 6 min read
Updated: Oct 30, 2022
TOP SECRET!!!
IF YOU ARE NOT DIPUTS, PLS GO AWAY NOW THIS IS PRIVATE AND EMBARRASSING!!!
OK NOW TO TEST IF U ARE REALLY ME:
WHO ARE YOU
I'm Diputs
I'm not Diputs
I'm an evil snooper and I shall reveal all your secrets >:))
Uh oh
I feel like 90% of the people who are reading this aren't me...
WHOOPS
Oh well.
3 January 2022, Monday
Arghhhhh school's starting again. I already have 7 demerit points how am I gonna survive through this year vwrjrwgu4qhehijqh3ih
(me freaking out)
Sigh. I trudged my way to school, every step increasing my pain and fear. I sure do hope this year's form teacher is nice, I thought. Hopefully he won't give me that many demerit points.
You know it's horrible how everyone thinks I'm a bad student! I'm infamous for being the "most expelled student of the millennium" in Diputs Primary School. I've been expelled and came back there twice already! Now that I'm in secondary school, I can only hope to not get expelled as many times...
But I'm really not a bad student, I try to be good. I really do. Unfortunately, sometimes I just get a little carried away. Life is so exciting, you know?
(me on my way to being the best student in the cohort)
Oh well, I'll update you later.
OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
MY MENTOR IS MR. DRONEY!!!
HELP HE DESPISES ME
Remember that time I accidentally threw him out the window in anger?
Oh boy, he's gonna be watching me like a hawk! My hopes for a good 2022 have already crumbled before my eyes and disintegrated into tiny ashes. But since I was so good at controlling my emotions, I didn't show it. Not at school, at least. I waited till I got home, then I clutched my head in frustration and screamed till my throat was dry. (yeah it was totally so dramatic and sad)
It's okay, I assured myself. I'll just stay under the radar till Mr. Droney is convinced that I'm a good student!
(it might take a while for him to believe that)
(definitely no references to our lives)
18 January 2022, Tuesday
Ok so school hasn't been great.
It's been 2 ducking weeks and I already got a demerit point...
AND FOR WHAT?
GET THIS.
SITTING ON A TABLE.
REALLY GUYS??????
I JUST SAT ON ONE MEASLY TABLE FOR 1 SECOND AND I GET LECTURED BY A BIG SCARY TEACHER FOR 1 WHOLE HOUR!
IS SITTING ON TABLES REALLY THAT BAD?????
(meanwhile what happened to me in 2021)
I swear Mr. Droney is such a biased teacher. If I were literally any other student in the UNIVERSE, he wouldn't have asked that big scary teacher to file a complaint and give me a demerit point!
Well, at least he didn't suspend me like my form teacher did to me last year...
25 August 2022, Thursday
Whoops
Sorry I haven't written to you in a while...
I've been too busy, believe it or not, studying.
Yes, studying!!!!!
After getting expelled from Diputs High School (yes, unfortunately I got expelled again) for accidentally throwing a knife at a P.E. teacher, I went to 笨手笨脚中学。That was when I realized how dumb I was, and how screwed I would be in the future!
So I panicked and started revising for the upcoming admission test. If I can pass it, maybe I'll get back into Diputs High!
Then maybe I'll even get to move up to smarter schools!
Ok but in all fairness...
My grades weren't exactly fantastic before this-
(yes my amazing grades)
Well, wish me luck!
Ok tiny problem.
The admission test wasn't quite next week like I thought.
IT WAS TODAY.
Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh nooooo
Okay it's fine. I revised very hard. I'm sure I'll do fine.
And you might be wondering why I brought my diary to the exam venue...
Well, I didn't.
I got so stressed that I locked myself in the toilet and convinced the teacher I had to poop.
(me right now)
"DIPUUUUUTS!" I heard the teacher's annoyingly shrill voice scream at me from through the toilet door. "YOU'VE BEEN IN THERE FOR AN HOUR ALREADY! NOBODY TAKES THAT LONG TO POOP!!"
Argh... I'd better get going.
BYEEEEE
OK WAIT I GOTTA WRITE THIS DOWN BEFORE I FORGET
A, C, C, D, B, A, A, D, C, B, D, A, D, C, C, C, B, A, D, C
23
1009
Bob is faster
Yes I am smart
Haha sorry. I had to write down all the answers to the questions in the admission test. I think I did pretty well, actually.
Now all I gotta do is wait for results.
27 August 2022, Saturday
Hey guess what? I was eating ice-cream in a random mall when suddenly, I walked past my old mentor, Mr. Droney! I was so scared that I sneezed out some ice-cream. But then I realized that since I was already expelled from Diputs High, there was nothing much that Mr. Droney could do to me anymore, so I decided to make the most out of it.
Hmmm. He was sitting alone drinking coffee...
How should I mess with him?
Wait. Someone was coming. The person started walking towards him, and then they came and sat down in the seat across him.
And the most disturbing part was, the person was a young lady!!
IS MR. DRONEY A PAEDOPHILE???? OR A SUGAR DADDY??? EWWWWWW WHATTTTTTTTTTTTT
"Oh hello dear!" said Mr. Droney.
Ewwww I was gonna throw up.
What was even more disturbing was that the lady smiled sweetly at him and giggled.
"How nice of you! You bought me my favorite coffee! Oh baby, you're the sweetest!" Then the lady walked up to him and gave him a huge kiss before sitting down. I covered my mouth in disgust.
Ok maybe Mr. Droney wasn't a sugar daddy, but the thought of him having a girlfriend? That is absolutely unnerving,.
Ew I do not want to know about his love life, I thought. Time to go.
I stared at my ice-cream. Argh all this disgusting sappy love stuff has made me lose my appetite. I walked away, revolted and disgusted as duck.
But then suddenly, I had an evil idea.
I whipped out my phone, and turned around quickly took a picture.
HAHA YESSSSS
I got a really great one of him and her sharing a cup of coffee!!
But just as I was about to post it on instagram (btw check out my instagram at bob_pickle1417), I heard a tiny whisper caress my thoughts.
This is wrong.
That tiny whisper always showed up just before I'd find myself in huge trouble, but I always ignored it. Hmm
Why not ignore it this time too?
Despite my conscience stabbing at my soul, I managed to post it. "WAHAHAHHAAHhahahhaahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahAhaHahahahaHAHAHAHhahahAHAhaaaaaAAAAA!!!" I laughed evilly.
30 August, Tuesday
HALP. I'm getting back my admission test today...
It's only out of 50, so I'm hoping I got at least 20 (yes I know it's a fail but still better than I usually do which is like 0-5% correct)
I walked to school, my legs barely able to carry my weight. With each step to the school, the more my legs were turning to jelly, until when I reached the school gate, I felt all numb inside. This is it. This is gonna determine whether I'll get to leave this horrendous school or not.
As you can see, I get bullied a lot. But why do people like bullying such an amazing kid like me? I sure do wonder why...
I'm such an angel aren't I? I don't deserve to get bullied!
As I walked to the exam place where I'd be getting my paper back, all my thoughts faded.
Oh man, I was so nervous...
I sat down and took out my green pen, hands shaking.
So to cheer myself up, I decided to use my green pen to draw a tiny Mr. Droney on the table.
Once I was done, I sat up and looked at it, and couldn't help but giggling.
Yes yes I know my drawing is bad, but you gotta agree that it's not as bad as the drawings done by the illustrators of this website!
COUGH LOOKING AT U SIMONE
Yeah but then anyways the teacher giving out the exam papers caught me vANdaLIsiNg the table and smacked my face. I mean come on, it could be erased so easily!
Ok never mind I take that back. After being sentenced to clean the table till the drawing was gone, I have learnt that this ink is very indelible and requires 100ml of 0.1mol/dm^3 of hydrochloric acid to get rid of the pen markings.
ASDFGHJKL;'23WRSTDYFJUKJUYFDSGERASEGTRDUYFGUKHKJGFHJDRSTRDCYTJGYUKGBIUEHGRUGBI44TBIH2R3F1OU4NG9V23H97RBHY71U230[ONG[1U2BVU[3
OMG I AM SHOCKED BEYOND WORDS (LITERALLY)
FOR THE ADMISSION TEST
I
GOT
24/50!!!!!!!
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I ALMOST PASSED! YESSYESYESYESYESYESSSS
This is literally like, the highest I've ever gotten for any test before!!
(except my autism test which I got full marks for)
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?
IT MEANS
I AM GOING BACK TO DIPUTS HIGH SCHOOL!!!
YAYYY
OH WAIT
MR DRONEY WILL STILL BE THERE
THAT MEANS
I'M DUCKED
sorry dear viewers
(my face rn)
SHEEEET
I AM DEAD
21 October 2022, Friday
Hi!!! If you're still here reading my diary,
NICE TRY.
I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN READING MY DIARY SINCE JANUARY 3 THIS YEAR
SO I TRANSFERED TO A NEW DIARY THAT IS 100000 TIMES MORE SECURE AND DOES NOT EXIST ON A PUBLIC WEBSITE
WAHHAHAHAA YOU SHALL NEVER FIND ITTTTTTTT
The keys to my diary are definitely not in my wallet!!!
ANYWAYS SO LONG U EVIL SNOOPERRRRR!!
BEFORE I REPORT YOU TO THE INVADERS OF PRIVACY POLICE, ANY LAST WORDS????
What's that random image for
WAIIT DON'T REPORT ME I'M ACTUALLY DIPUTS
HA IM MR. DRONEY AND I'M HERE FOR REVENGE
REPORT ME I WANT JAIL
Hi guys! If you read through the entire article, we applaud your determination!! (by the way we are Ri-yen and Simone now not Diputs)
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